The Dilemma

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Release Date: January 14, 2011

Plot Summary: Ronny and Nick are longtime friends who are partners in their auto-design business in this bromantic comedy. It seems life can't get any better for the two of them until Ronny catches Nick's wife making out with another man. Ronny's life is turned upside down as he struggles with how (or if) to tell Nick.

Ron Howard will always have a place in my heart for his narrating role in two and a half seasons of Arrested Development (RIP). And for bringing us Richie Cunningham. He's a seasoned director (and actor) whose films have won both critical acclaim and hollywood awards. To be quite honest, a lot of his films recently just don't do it for me. Both Da Vinci Code movies... meh. There are still some gems hidden in there, but I'm more of a fan of his pre-2000 movies like Cocoon, Apollo 13, and Ransom. Oh, and Willow, too. Whenever I hear he's directing a movie, I'm always willing to check it out since he's fairly reliable.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can say that for The Dilemma. If this is supposed to be a comedy, I don't think I laughed once throughout the entire trailer - and that's where they usually put in the funniest parts! Even if it's not the "laugh-out-loud" (LOL...) kind of comedy, it still looks boring and not "laugh-on-the-inside" (LOTI?) funny. How to tell your friend his wife's cheating on him? The whole plot sounds too simple and boring for me. Not that there's anything wrong with simple - Empire Records is one of my go-to lazy Sunday movies. That, and Showgirls - the most unintentionally hilarious movie I've ever seen.

The two leads don't make me want to rush out and see this any time soon, either. I've never really been a fan of anything Kevin James has done. I just don't think he's that funny. King of Queens was overrated, and his resume of films is less than stellar... Paul Blart? Grown Ups? And then there's Vince Vaughn. Vince Vince Vince... I'm sorry buddy, but I think you and I need a break. You just need some time to recollect yourself and take on a couple challenging projects. Hey, that's what you used to do back in the 90's when we met. And then you really hit your high and found the perfect roles for you in Old School and Wedding Crashers. Since then though, you've kinda put out nothing but crap. I know I know... those are some harsh words. But maybe a little tough love is what you need. It's time to retire the 35-year-old loveable, sweet-talking frat boy persona and try something different for a change. Like you, it's not getting any younger. So please take some time off to challenge yourself, instead of accepting any stupid script that comes across your desk. I don't want to have to see a movie called Five Christmases coming out next year...

The only somewhat redeemable part of this movie would have to be the supporting cast. And even then, it's nothing to write home about. I'll admit I'm more favorable toward Jennifer Connelly, Winona Ryder, Channing Tatum, and Queen Latifah, but none of them I'd necessarily call a draw. And how exactly do you address Queen Latifah in a social setting? Do you call her Latifah or Queen? Do you have to bow when saying Queen Latifah? I just need to know in the off-chance I may actually meet her.

The Verdict: HELLS no is kinda harsh. So I'm going to reserve that for the crappiest of the crap. Instead, I'll give this my new verdict of Pass...

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore

"Am I the only one that thinks this is a bad idea?"

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Plot Summary: Everybody knows dogs and cats don't get along. But what will happen when they have to team up and stop Kitty Galore from whatever madness she's cooking up?? Oh, and there are pigeons and squirrels, too. "Dogs and cats... living together... mass hysteria!"

Oh... my... gah... what the hell is this crap?? I don't think I'm going out on much of a limb to say watching this movie might make you stupider (ahh! It's already working!!). Whoever slipped that above quote into the trailer is on to something...

There's so much wrong with this movie, I don't even know where to begin. First, "Kitty Galore" makes me want to go all Chris Brown up in here. How dare they disgrace the good Pussy name??

Next, don't they realize catnip is pretty much pot for cats? Great message, Warner Bros. Kudos though, for getting a drug reference by the MPAA.

And a squirrel dancing to the Hamster Dance Song? That makes no sense! Was this movie written in 1999?? When was the last time the Hamster Dance was even relevant?

And the tagline... ohhhhh the tagline... "Just like real spies... only furrier." WHAT!?

Poor poor Fred Armisen and Neil Patrick Harris. I can't believe you'd lower yourselves to this. At least NPH has the luxury of only being a voice and not have to be visibly associated with this dreck.

Parents who bring their kids to this should be investigated by child services for child endangerment. There are lots of better movies to take your kids to, like Toy Story 3 or even Karate Kid. I beg of you, PLEASE don't go see this movie. The only way to stop stuff like this from being greenlit is to NOT GO. Because you flocked to the theaters for Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel, we're going to keep getting more of this. In fact, why not just give me your money instead and I'll make a video of my dog "saying" funny stuff.

This movie is just so painful to think about that I don't even want to write anymore.

Verdict: I'd rather watch The Hamster Dance for 90 minutes than this dreck.

Little Fockers

"No, you're not going to erase my son's memory"

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Plot Summary: We met the parents, we met the Fockers, and now we meet the Little Fockers. It's not complicated...

Do we really need another one of these movies? The last one came out 6 years ago, and I haven't heard anyone say "man, wouldn't it be awesome if there was a second Meet the Parents sequel??" That's because no one cares. Sure, the last movie made over $200 mil... but it sucked. I'm sure this will continue the trend.

While the title is good for a slight chuckle, it's another re-hash of a recurring joke from the first movie 10 years ago (wow, I feel old)... and the second... Leads me to believe the whole movie will be equally as unoriginal. I guess we should be lucky they don't live on a farm - then we might have to deal with Sheep Focker. Hm, maybe I should get a job writing for Universal.

Even the trailer doesn't seem that funny - and usually with crappy comedies they cram trailers with all the funny scenes. The best they could give us was an erection joke? And while Ben Stiller is king of the walk-in-at-just-the-right-time-awkward-situations, I much prefer his character comedy work like Zoolander and Tropic Thunder. Then again, my favorite movie when I was younger was There's Something About Mary (wow, now I feel older).

Point is, this looks pretty dumb. I'm fully willing to admit when I'm wrong, but I just see "awful" written all over this. There's nothing about this trailer that's appealing or excites me. Now if only I could get Robert DeNiro (poor Robert... what happened to you??) to erase my memory of seeing this trailer.

Verdict: HELLS no

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

"If we're going to date, you may have to defeat my seven evil exes."

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Plot Summary: Socially awkward hipster band geek has a major crush on too-cool-for-school hipster girl. But in order to be with her, he must first defeat her seven evil exes. One by one he knocks them down... until? Well, I don't know if he wins or loses or even loses but still wins the girl or what.

Whichever way, I'm hoping this movie turns out to be as fun as it looks. I haven't read the comic it's based off of, but I looked it up on wikipedia when I saw the teaser a little while back, and apparently it's an Americanized anime that has a significant cult following. I'm not a huge anime fan, but there are certain ones I do like, such as anything Miyazaki has ever done and I do have a soft spot for Bleach and FLCL on adult swim, so this could be up my alley.

I figured it could go a couple ways; it could either be really good or really dumb and over worked. But after seeing that trailer, I'm leaning toward the really good side just because it looks pretty cool. This is what I would expect a good live-action version of an anime to look like: a bit of campy, over-dramatic, cheese based in reality.

The whole premise just seems like a lot of fun - "defeat my seven evil exes." That's some good stuff right there. I want to see this, but I might not rush to the theater... unless it gets like 100% on rotten tomatoes or something.

Besides, I'd give anything for any semblance of an Arrested Development reunion - "her?" - and since the actual movie is never. going. to happen (it breaks my heart), casting George Michael and Annabell - you know, because she's shaped like a... never mind - together will just have to do. And Bland as a lesbian "ex" is pretty progressive for a comic geared toward teens. Even Scott's roommate is gay (at least in the comic). Take that, establishment!

I really hope I'm not wrong about this one, because while Michael Cera has been in some awesome movies (Nick & Norah) and some awesomer ones (Superbad), he's also been in some huge disappointments (Year One).

Verdict: In the theater (unless I hear it sucks)

You Again

"I'm also on Facebook. And the Twitter."

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Plot Summary: Gossip Girl comes home for her brother's wedding only to find out he's marrying the girl who made her life a living hell in high school. But wise mama knows you can't get through high school unscathed and advises she drop it. But then - dun dunnnnn! - mama's high school nemesis, now the fiancee's aunt, shows up. Hilarity ensues and lessons are learned.

Everything about this movie sends up red flags. Chick flick? FLAG! PG rating? FLAG! Risk of seeing Jamie Lee Curtis's vag-enis? RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I kid, I kid. Obvi JLC is not a hermie. And her work in Halloween is the stuff wet dreams are made of. What made me click on this trailer was seeing Sigourney Weaver and Betty White on the poster. These are two actresses I will see ANYTHING they're in. Anything. Ripley? Perfection! Rose? Exquisite! On the one hand, I'm hoping James Cameron can bring Sigourney back for the next two Avatar films. On the other, I'm hoping someone invents a serum that will make Betty White live forever.

My first after-viewing thought was how the hell in our technology ridden society has this girl never even seen a picture of her brother's fiancee or even know her name?? You'd think she would have realized before she got there who she was.

To be fair, the movie looks like it could actually be pretty funny. Both Betty and Sigourney (and yes, even JLC) have great comedic timing, and I don't think either of them are in a position where they would pick a movie just for the paycheck. Betty White is probably the hardest working actress in Hollywood right now and good for her! She definitely deserves it, even if I am beginning to teeter on over-Betty-exposure. In fact, one of the aspects I liked about the trailer was how much they reined in the Betty and only showed a couple clips. Too many things recently have tried to capitalize on the Bettymania. Oh, and helloooooo Kristin Chenoweth!

Based on the PG rating, it's a safe bet this won't be raunchy and there won't be any nakedness. Again, this could be a good thing since everyone and their mother has been hiring Betty White to say the dirtiest, raunchiest things they can write. Get it? It's funny because she's so old!! And even though I like raunchy comedies as much as the next guy, people do need to realize that you can still be funny without the fucks and the shits.

Frankly, this could go either way for me. It'll either be watered down to the point that it's a soupy mess, or it'll have just the right amount of water for it to bloom (sue me, I'm bad at metaphors). I am interested in eventually seeing it, it just depends on whether it's worth shelling out the $10 bucks to see in the theater, or if it'll end up on my Netflix queue. I'll definitely be keeping an eye on the word of mouth once this hits theaters.

Oh, and Sigourney? You wore it best.

Verdict: Save for Blu-ray